Entirely Bonkers
by bowtiesandredhair
Summary: Mad? Impossible? Well usually, the best people are.
1. Tripping Out

The Doctor leapt beside her, and lifted his hand up to her face. Cradled in his palm were two small metallic marbles. She stared at them, and then looked to him, somewhat uncomfortable with the way he had been watching her.

"Someplace new, if you fancy, Pond."

She quickly ignored his hot breath on her ear, and nodded as he swooped back to the console and began flipping several different levers with grand motions, quirking a few dozen of spherical buttons, and pattering down on a couple of keys on that old typewriter. Amy watched him, and a part of herself believed he was overdramatizing things to a strange degree. Showing off? He was showing off to her? Sure, he had done that a thousand times before. Large scale to small, he always seemed to be showing off, always seemed to be trying to impress her. What was it he said to her all that time ago? She could see what he no longer could? She saw everything for the first time and he sought after that innocence, or something like that. With one final thrust, the TARDIS purred silent, and he swooped back around, took her hand in his, and then leapt for the doors. Before he hastily flung them open, he turned to her, and smiled, lifting the marbles back up to her, and with the other arm, he unlatched the doors.

The gentle wind from outside carried the doors further open, and her eyes widened at the burning, purple light that illuminated everything.

He leaned to whisper in her ear, "Violet Sun of Kneshric."

Her words tripped over themselves by which wonder to question first, "A-Are those…"

A small smile came upon him, "Trees made of water?" He gave them a quick glance, then looked back at her, "Not really, no. See, it's not _actually _water. It's purer, though thinner, yet thicker, and richer. Altogether entirely complicated. But sure, let's call it water."

Amy's eyes drifted from each transparent, trembling tree to the next, and then to the ground which consisted solely of vines. She looked to each thing thoughtfully, then back to the trees, her brows furrowed.

"Doctor, why have you brought me here?" He gave a confused look when her expression was borderline upset. "This planet is obviously extremely delicate. I mean, look at those trees. Lightly shivering from the vibrations of us landing here. And the ground," She motioned with her arm, and he tilted his head curiously, "This planet is basically tied together by vines and kept together by not-water, did it ever occur to you that landing the TARDIS here could tear this world apart?"

He nervously scratched his face, and then glanced up to see her staring critically at him. He lifted his arms in protest. "I've stabilized the TARDIS for the minimum pressure on the planet, Pond."

But his defense was voiced too late, and he could tell by the look in her eye she had already worked up a scolding for him. No manner of innocent pouting would stop it. He hung his head shamefully, which always helped her to keep going, and before he could glance up, she had shoved him.

Her voice was loud, and almost motherly, "Doctor, this kind of magnificence and beauty isn't worth you simply getting your kicks and a bigger head. Do you have no idea—"

He leapt towards her and covered her mouth with his hand, hushing her as she tried to struggle him off. His green eyes told her to be quiet, and in an instant, she understood. Hesitantly, he released her and lifted the marbles up to her again.

"I know you're Miss big time traveler now, but can we not put that on shelf for a moment? Pop 'em in your ears, Pond." His tone seemed tired, and somewhat disappointed, she scooped the marbles out of his hand, and fed them into her ears. And as she did, he whispered, "As if impressing you isn't worth the trouble."

But he knew she didn't hear him. Amy looked at him, forcing an expectant expression, and he turned her back the shivering, glistening trees. She tried her best to decipher his muffled words.

"What is sound? Vibrations, yes?" He gently poked his finger in her ear, clicking a small button on the device. "Since I'm speaking, it's my vibrations, carried through the stillness of air, which is then picked up by the ear drum."

Suddenly, a faint hum began to seep into her head, and she pressed her hand against her ears to isolate it. He paused for a moment and watched her. The way her eyes absentmindedly scanned in thought, the way she gently bit her lip. There was a disappointed sadness that found him as he watched her. It was no longer her waiting to be amazed and her nervous smile and her disbelieving laugh. Her furrowed brows, her somewhat stern face, he was saddened by the bitter truth. His execution of The Turn no longer mesmerized her. She was no longer that child who sat, laughing and clapping to the thing she couldn't understand and blissfully didn't try to. She had grown into a person who didn't want to wait in the extraordinary when it could simply be explained and then poisoned as simple. He had lost her.

The Doctor nervously twitched away as her eyes had met his, and he glanced to the trees, "Vibrations," He pointed to his throat, "carried through," He swept his arm through the air, "to the ears." And his gesture followed, yet her thinking-face slowly faded into confusion. "My voice is the vibration—"

She shook her head, "Yeah, I got that. What's that have to do—" A whisper came into her ear, and her eyes slowly drifted to the glimmering trees.

"_My thief. . . ._"

A quiet breath escaped her lips, "Doctor…"

Amy looked to him and saw a small smile spread on his face as he stared off at the trees, the hum becoming a waiting silence. She watched him place his hand against the TARDIS door, and brushed its wood against his palm, closing his eyes as he felt it purr.

"_My thief. . . ._"

She childishly pouted as it became clear and yet not at all, "I'm an insufferable moron sometimes, aren't I?"

Immediately, he brought his finger to her lips and hushed, "No fun if you don't let me explain."

He opened one eye to catch her face as she looked to the trees with a faint, eager smile, and for a moment, he could feel it. He could feel her stop thinking. He could feel her just putting her attention on the crisp breeze that carried itself to her skin. Her eyes drifted to him, and allowed her smile to show.

"Vibrations," He murmured, and watched as she placed her hand to the wooden door. "carried through-"

"The pure, not-water trees."

"And our ears are heightened."

They reached for the other's hand and then looked to the tree, and the forest seemed to have been listening just as intently as they now were.

"All right, dear." said the Doctor quietly, "I'm sorry it took me quite a bit to figure this out, but I hope you were patient enough."

For a moment, all was silent except for the gentle breeze that sent a shivering chill through the not-water trees and it rustled the leaves that danced across the vines.

"_A bit of pressure…._" admitted the whisper.

The Doctor smiled widely, "Oh, come on. You know anything you say is _sexy_."

"_Hello_." Amy uttered with a sing-songy tone, though she knew even openly re-announcing her presence wouldn't stop them from flirting. "You're the TARDIS?"

"_Of course I'm the TARDIS, orangey girl. And you're a stray._"

She lightly smirked, "And you're a thief."

"Now, now. Ladies," He sighed almost pleasantly. "don't fight over me."

"_What?_"

He paused himself from bouncing in place, realizing that both voices had joined in on that, and he nervously smiled. "Oh, come off it. You know why I call you _Sexy_."

Amy stifled a gag at his seductive tone, and tried to nonchalantly drift her hand out of his, yet it only seemed to inadvertently tighten his hold on her.

"_What is it you call orangey girl?_" asked the TARDIS critically.

A slap of flusters hit him in the face, and he nervously glanced off in an attempt to bury himself away in thought as he frantically disregarded all of those half-asleep dreams he allowed his head to have.

"Pond." He blurted out before his mind could proof-think it, and he bore a relieved smile when it registered, "Yes, _Pond. _I call you Pond. Of course I do."

She gave him a confused, questioning look, yet he purposely avoided eye contact, resuming to bounce in place.

"_But that's not what you address her as when we're alone._"

The Doctor quietly gritted his teeth, "_Shut up_." He angrily whispered.

Amy tugged on his hand, "Oi, I'm right here. What is she talkin' about?"

He hung his head, "_See what you've started_."

And she tugged again, "_Doctor_."

He glanced to her for a moment, and then quickly twirled around, leaping towards the console. "Sorry, dear. We'll have to resume this at a later, unawkward date. Pond was right, sending your vibrations through the not-water trees just so we could hear your voice, it's far too risky for them to sustain it over a long period of time. We'll return, pending approval- "

"_But orangey girl won't._"

Cautiously, he glanced up from canoodling the various levers and knobs, "_Why not?_"

There was a pause and they both looked to each other and shared a somewhat concerned expression.

"_Oh, she'll fall off, and you'll have a new stray._"

The Doctor lowered his face into the reflective glass that wrapped around each intricate doodad, "That's not going to happen." He murmured.

As Amy held both doors in her hands, and gently tossed them to close, he lightly shivered at the parting words.

"_All too soon, my thief._"

Before they could utter any words to each other, the console set off a burst of sparks and they staggered as it began to pick up in speed for its violent shaking. He clung back to it, only to thrust away with another burst, and she staggered up the stairs as he angrily muttered apparent gibberish. Another burst of wild sparks. Then another. Then one more violent throw to the glass floor. In the moment of silence, their eyes linked and they mirrored each other's movements, until a small, confident smile came upon him and on her, a small, trusting one. He glanced to the lever, and his eyes slowly trailed back up to her, and by the time they found her, she was falling backwards, in what seemed like slow-motion, and before he could stop himself, before he could even realize what was happening, the lever was thrust downward, and she burst into light as he fell to the floor. He watched as the sparks scattered frantically across it, and he stared to the empty space of where she should've landed.

With a frustrated huff, he tore himself up, clawing at the levers in an attempt to reverse whatever it was. Yet another violent throw to the glass floor, and he landed on his hands and knees, and with a defeated sigh, he opened his eyes and saw a face staring back at him.

They both staggered away from each other, both sharing a confused, yet curious look. Another burst of sparks, coupled with the TARDIS' shrills, he leapt back to the console, balancing himself as it entered its climax, and he slid his arm through each lever for a single button. But before he could press it, the TARDIS bellowed along with its final thrust, and he toppled backwards to the metal bars that wrapped around it, and he sighed as he sunk to the floor. The TARDIS purred to a quiet idle, and he turned over to see the girl staring at him.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor." He said almost tiredly, yet still managed a polite smile. "And you are?"

The girl hesitated for a moment, quickly glancing all around her, and then back to the strange man's face. "I'm Alice."


	2. Where Am I Now?

The Doctor remained slouched between the metal railings and the glass floor, and looked dejectedly at the girl. "Alice, eh?" He pressed his lips together and sighed. "I'm the Doctor."

The young woman slowly furrowed her brows, "Yes, you've already said that, actually."

"Have I? Oh, brilliant." And his weary eyes slowly drifted to the console.

"Are you all right, might I ask?"

His eyes blinked back at her, and a sincere smile spread across his face, "Alice what?"

She hesitated a moment, "Kingsley, Alice Kingsley."

With an immediate motion, he thrust himself off the floor, twirled in place, and seemingly dusted off all the self-loathing parasites that he felt chewing through his tweed coat. He slid to her and reached out his hand with that smile.

"Hello, Alice."

As she took his hand, he swept her back on her feet and twirled over to the console, beginning to fiddle with various levers and buttons. She watched him, and faintly smiled at his familiar mannerisms, from speaking gibberish to himself and to muttering some irritated huff, he swung back and forth the levers and handles and doodads and knickknacks, sweeping his fingertips along each other, almost appearing confused as he continued muttering.

"Ah!" His outburst somewhat startled her, yet less than she would've expected of herself.

The Doctor reached his hand in his coat pocket and pulled out his sonic screwdriver, with his eyes beaming, he looked to her and she again saw a familiar face in his overcoming madness.

"I can trace it, yes." He muttered to himself and slowly reached out to point at her. "Whatever it was that pulled her out and you in, you're the connection, doubtlessly. It's you, Alice."

She swallowed nervously as his eyes grew wide and almost hungry. He wiped his tongue across his chapped lips and his maddening smile spread even more…maddeningly. Yes. She had definitely seen that face before. And it wasn't long until his voice overlapped with that of her companion's.

He began waving his arm in front of her, with the screwdriver jostling in his palm, up and down, in long strokes and then in slower ones, and at times it appeared as if he was just shaking the device with no idea of what to do next. He unexpectedly paused, and stared at the side of it as its metal claws jolted out. The Doctor's mouth somewhat contorted together, anxious and frustrated, he darted his arm back at her and resumed waving.

Alice watched, standing as still as she possibly could think to, as the sharp green light ran over her eyes and the whirring sound grew louder and then altogether silent. He brought it back to his face and squinted.

"You each were torn out of your own reality at the exact same moment in each of your own time. B-But, how?" He quietly murmured, and shot her a worried glance. "Temporal energy. You seem freshly painted in it."

He glanced at her again, and forced a comforting smile, "Picture being covered in paint. Well, the girl who was in your place had a few nice dry layers already on her, while you only have one and it's still wet. You're freshly painted. Actually never mind, it's nothing like that at all. " He quickly slapped his palm against his forehead and sighed.

"Is this a dream?" She uttered quietly, taking another curious look at the shiny copper walls.

The Doctor darted his head to her and smiled intriguingly, "You're one for dreams, are you, Alice?"

She faintly nodded and brought her hand to brush self-consciously against her arm. "I used to have them all the time when I was little. Dodo birds, blue caterpillars, a rabbit in a waist coat, and a smiling cat."

"What sort of dreams are those?" He slightly frowned. "I can take you to twelve different planets in the Tsuliar system that has each one of those things, except not really at all. Forget I said anything."

"My dreams were always the same, and they always took me to the same, wonderful place." She whispered, almost just to herself, and her hand lightly touched a spiraling contraption on the console. "I could've sworn I was there only a moment ago."

As her brown eyes slowly drifted to meet the Doctor's face, she somewhat flinched at his immediate episode of hitting himself again.

"_Oh, I am really very thick!_" He groaned and exasperatedly tugged on his bangs. "_Of course!_"

He turned to her in a huff and motioned vigorously with his arms as he spoke. "There was a moment, a brief second, where I saw her burst into light. In that moment, that brief second, she was being taken whilst you were being….sort of…._given_. Which means, assuming you're not as mad as you should be, 'cause really it's very quite fun, you were then sleeping. Which _means, _Amy was taken, not only from this time, but also from this reality. And that's just assuming you were just _dreaming _of your world!"

She took his excitement as almost anger, yet when he paused for her mind to catch up, he smiled that wide, childish smile. "You understand, yes?"

Alice shook her head, and he excitedly bounced in his place, "I'm assuming that your world-" He paused and looked at her expectantly to fill in the blank.

"…Wonderland."

"Oh, _Wonderland_!" He said with a deep, thrilled voice and thrust his arms in the air. "_Beautiful name!_" He spun in place and leapt up off the glass floor, clinging to the railings to somewhat stop himself from becoming too ecstatic. "Now I'm more of desperately _hoping _it's real!"

The Doctor twirled back around and slid towards her, taking her hands in his and he smiled as wide as his sore cheeks would allow, "Don't you see, Alice?"

She felt his hands tremble with such excitement that she had never seen, and altogether, he looked like he was about to explode as his hairless brow rose so very high in expectation of her guess.

"….What?" She spoke quietly, squinting her eyes in anticipation of his oncoming, very painfully loud, outburst.

He squeezed her hands tightly and began to lightly bounce on his toes.

"_We get to go to Wonderland_."

The Doctor twirled around the console and shoved his sonic in an open slot, flicking forward a few small levers and pulling round a few dozen knobs. "_Oh, _but Pond is _so_ lucky!" He bellowed as he carelessly clackered on the typewriter, pulling the scanner closer to him as he adjusted its dials, and with a huff, he darted back around the console, shoved his foot up against one of the dangling levers, and he took off back around to clutched down the lever that sent the TARDIS violently shaking.

"_She's already there!_"

His roaring laughter faded in the silence of the thick cover of fog and the sweet chirping of crickets. Amy groggily brought her hand up to her ear and muttered.

"_Doctor, _I'm tryin' to sleep."

As her consciousness slowly bled through her 'dream', she felt herself faintly stir at the seeping dampness of the cold ground. The hand that wasn't clutching her ear dug its nails into the moss-covered ground, mistaking it for a blanket and tore it up over her shivering body. She sighed and her lips smacked together from the strange taste of dirt that had smeared across them.

With a quiet groan, she slowly opened one of her eyes, and stared at the grey-ish blue blades of grass that surrounded her. For a brief moment, as she felt herself finally waking up, she could hear the quiet screams that seemed to come from underneath where she lay. Realization set in and she leapt onto her numb legs, only to stagger back to her knees.

"_You're killing our brothers and sisters!_" shrilled the grass and she glanced back to see her body's imprint and its crushed victims.

It screeched louder as she steadied herself against a tree, oblivious that she was now stepping on the fresh patches that surrounded the base. She frantically darted across the small field and stumbled up on a large rock, staring down at the grass as each blade turned to her direction and screamed of her murderous actions.

Amy tried to hush them with her apologies, yet they only seemed to scream louder, and as they paid her "I'm _sorry_"s no mind, she decided how not-sorry she was.

"_Fine_." She muttered, biting down on her lip, "You want to bitch, I'll give you somethin' real to bitch about."

Her eyes immediately darted to the smaller sister rock that leaned up against the one she had staggered up on, and she reached down and wrapped her hands around it. The grass lightly shivered with fear as she grunted in picking it up, yet their murmurs quickly turned to rioting laughter as she groaned at the unexpected weight of the rock.

With an embarrassed grumble, she leapt from the boulder and began stomping the grass as she smirked with a taste of justified evil on her lips. Each patch that trembled in screams was the next for her to jump to and stomp on violently, and it wasn't until the small field was torn and mangled that she realized perhaps she had a slight error in herself and battling against helpless (albeit, annoying and provoking as hell) grass was probably something she could've refrained from doing.

A tiny patch had evaded her merciless feet, and she stared down at it sympathetically.

"…I'm sorry." She uttered, hanging her head in guilt.

The several blades lightly quivered, "_Just leave_."

An awkward chuckle escaped her mouth and nervously scratched the back of her head, "Leave." The bunch looked to her, quite confused and rather unimpressed, as far as expressions from grass go, and her awkwardness only seemed to grow. "It's kind of funny….because you're like….leaves of grass…"

"_Go away_."

"_Yeah, got it_."

Amy tried her best to casually turn around, yet she was instantly startled by the face of an eye-patched man that hung behind her. She released a reflex of a scream and fell backwards to the ground, and she quietly groaned to the muffled cries of the patch as its life suffocated from under her arse.

She glanced up for a second look to the stranger, and as he opened his smirking mouth, a screaming woman leapt from behind the boulder and lunged for Amy.

"_Kilit! Kilit! Kilit! Kilit!_"

The long arms of the man shoved the madwoman back, "_Majesty!_" He breathlessly howled, and lifted a finger to her face. "The _Oraculum._"

Mangled strands of pure-red hair hung like spider-legs down the sides of the woman's large head. As best as Amy could see through the gloomy light, her face consisted of smeared white make-up that had almost entirely faded away, with a stained splotch of red that pressed together with the folding of her thin lips.

"_We'ls may b' not_." The woman said snobbishly, folding her short arms together, and raising her nose in the air as she looked away.

As the man turned back to her, Amy glanced at each worn feature of his clothing, and despite it looking a bit filthy and old, he seemed in better shape than the woman. Her once-red dress was torn every which way and mud had been viciously smeared into strange parts, with only the ghosts of ineffective repairs loosely clinging to each gaping hole. It looked like the rest of her body grew to match the size of her head and ripped through before sanity could revert it all back. Or perhaps, and more likely with the faint tint of red brewing on her face the longer Amy stood silent, she went into some sort of fit and took the scissors to her clothes, so to speak. Though if by 'scissors', her disgustingly long nails would entirely suffice.

Amy slowly pulled herself up off the ground and dusted off her pants. "Uh, who are you?"

The stranger reached down his arm and scooped up her hand with a strange smile on his face, "I am the Knave of Hearts." He said very quietly, his eye sweeping over every feature on her face. "Ilosovic Stayne."

She nodded uncomfortably and tried to pull her hand out of his grip, yet he only tightened and attempted to pull her closer. Almost immediately, the red-haired madwoman shoved the Knave aside and it was then Amy noticed the chains that linked around both of their wrists.

"_I am the W'ed Queen, ruler of Underland_." She said proudly, lifting up her chin as far as it could tote her bulbous head backwards.

"A-Actually," uttered the Knave, and he gently clutched the woman's shoulder. "You see, she _used _to be the rightful ruler of this once glorious land. However, young traveler whom fell from the sky, she was betrayed and beaten and left here to die."

Amy gave the 'Queen' a second look, "Is that why she seems a bit mad?"

The Knave leaned down at her with a curious twinkle in his eye, "Don't they say all the best people are?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, but there's good/mad and bad/mad. Well, I've seen the good, but she just seems…"

"A bit misunderstood?"

Before Amy could reply, he swept an long arm around her and motioned her to look at the Queen.

"Not only was she betrayed, but by her own family, the people she loved and protected. Yet despite it all, they tore her up and threw her out; like a used, dirty cloth. She lost the one thing that gave life to her soul, now who wouldn't go a bit 'round the bend after such loss?"

His eye slowly drifted down to her and he faintly smiled as he saw a wave of relative sympathy bleed down her face. A rush of thoughts, all running around rampantly inside of her head, seemed to make sense of the words that he said.

"Who betrayed her?" She asked quietly, swallowing down whatever withered emotions that had sprung up without warning.

"Her own sister, a witch who stole the affections of everyone closest to her, and she convinced them to despise her. Her sister concealed a soldier, waiting for the perfect time to destroy her and take the throne." He bore a mask of regret, "I'm afraid she is quite mad, just from the sheer trauma of it all."

Suddenly, and yet quite slowly, the image of the Red Queen changed in her eyes, and she nodded an understanding to the Knave.

Amy quietly cleared her throat and quickly uttered, "I'm sorry that happened to you."

"_I dun' want your pity_." said the Queen, and the Knave glared at her to play the part. "_B-But, I wuld a-appreciate yer' help_." The vulnerability of her voice took all three by surprise, yet he swiftly guided Amy to walk with them while she was off-guard.

"What can I do?" She asked and reluctantly sat on one of the rotted stumps that surrounded the fire pit of their worn-down campsite.

"Nothing too dangerous, of course." said the Knave and he faked a sincere smile as he reached for a small leather bag. "We have some berries to spare if you're-" His eye darted down at the shriveled bag and again he faked the raw emotions. A quiet sadness as he allowed the empty skin to slip to the ground. "So they _have _taken everything." He murmured, though an internal smirk came as Amy shuffled in place.

"_Who_?"

He paused a moment, his face lightly twitched with emotion and he glanced up at her, "The trio of miscreants who work for the White Queen."

"And the White Queen is your sister, yeah? The one who did this all to you?"

The Queen gave only an acknowledging sniffle, Amy turned back to the Knave as he still stared with a pitiable expression. "You see, they are thieves who steal what little food we have. It's not enough that we're already suffering…" He allowed his voice to trail off into sadness, and slowly hung his head.

Amy felt a rush of anger and she darted up on her feet, "Well, where are they?"

"Oh, they're nearly impossible to catch." He said dejectedly, and turned to frown at the Queen, who awkwardly joined in.

"_W-We've bin banish'd to the outskwirts of Underland._" She pressed her smeared lips together in a frustrated huff. "_They run 'cross the line, we kan't chase 'em._"

"Well, _I _can." Amy blurted, and then she shook her head at her hesitance and looked at the poor, tired faces, letting them feed that impulse.

The Knave insinuated on opening his mouth to speak, yet he allowed her another outburst as her fists clenched up and her eyes grew bright.

"No, I _can. _I'm not from here, so I'm not banished." An exhilarated smile came upon her, "I'll go out and catch 'em and make 'em pay."

"N-No, it'd be too-"

"_Hell, _I'll go all the way to the stupid White Queen if I have to!" She nodded triumphantly to herself at the idea, and shooed them off as they tried to hand her a small bag of food for her journey. "I plan on eatin' soon anyhow. Tell me about them, the three morons."

They exchanged a confused look and then look back to Amy, "One is a dormouse, white w'ittle devil thing." said the Queen, glancing to the Knave.

"The other, a hare. Brown, and mangy with a stupid waistcoat. "

"But the final one, the leader."

They both looked to each other again, feeding off whatever show they felt themselves apart of, their eyes slowly drifted to her proud face, "He's a man. And he's mad. His orange hair is somewhat disarming, and his top hat is quite the fool's buy. But, and this is truest of all, he'll kill you first chance he gets."

Amy shrugged, "Not if I can kill him first, I guess." She gave a grand salute, and with a questioning point to which direction she needed to go, she set off on her way in a vigorous stride.

The Queen and Knave paused a moment until she disappeared inside of the dead woods, they frantically fished through one of the bags and retrieved a scroll.

"Hurry up and unravel it!" ordered the Queen and he cringed at the sound of her voice.

The one and a half set of eyes watched as it twirled around the ashen fire pit, until it finally ceased to roll out any further. They eagerly leaned down at the last image, and smiled. There was a faint picture of a girl standing in blood-red armor, wielding a sword of blood-red steel, as her mess of hair rode on the breeze. Scribbled all around it were two lines in written Underlandian.

_A girl with hair, fire-red_

_Shall face the foe and kill it dead_


End file.
